Sunflower Voices

In the 30 hours that RCMP officers had had to respond, violent Matthew Parkes could not be found. Seven hours after one of his targets told the story on Facebook, he turned himself in.

 

Instead of self-blame, his target, Selina Morrison put the blame squarely where it belongs – on the violent abuser. By telling her story, still in shock and angry, on Facebook, Morrison made a huge leap of faith – would the community support her, or would she be subject to even more abuse? Morrison speaks about her intense fear of reaching out for public help after her abuser was released from police custody and immediately violated his release conditions by contacting her. The response has been overwhelming.

 

Thousands of people have shared and viewed her videos. Women and men sent their support and love to Morrison. She describes the amazing rush of positive energy she has received in the aftermath of abuse. Morrison, the shelter, and the public have worked together beautifully to create some safety for her and her infant. Parkes’ multiple targets also have found each other and come forward; current count is at 5.

 

Selina Morrison has created a new paradigm, and not just because of social media. A community that starts by believing, and then pours out its caring to the targets of abuse is a new model of how to be human in community. The thousands of online messages will have an impact far beyond just Morrison’s spirits – there is no doubt that police, prosecutors and others with responsibility for community safety will do a better job this time. And maybe for all time, if they know that women are going to speak out about their abusers and the treatment they receive from the justice system AND THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY CARES!

 

Women are constantly trained in the importance of our silence – for our survival, for propriety, for the “order of things.” So-called harmony is valued over women’s dignity. Stay sweet, or it’s the scold’s bridle for you. And “sweet” means don’t talk about daddy’s/brother’s/son’s/husbands punches, kicks or rapes. Especially if we experienced childhood traumas, we may feel our silence is locked into our DNA.

 

Community support can change all that. Morrison’s leap of faith has given us all a wonderful example of what can go right when women and men start to speak up about what we value. We can shift toward communities in which there is no question about staying silent about abuse anymore – why would we if we could expect community support, and safety from the abuser? Why would we hide it any more than we’d hide being hit by a car, or having a heart attack, or any other adverse event that we need help with?

 

A new wave of telling about abuse is coming. At the same time women and those victimized as children and youth are throwing off self-blame, technology is offering new powers. Apps are being created right now to identify abusers in communities, to create lists of dangerous abusers, in ways that protect their targets. And the men’s rights activists can scream and stamp and shout about “false allegations” but violent men en masse will soon know what its like to be exposed, rated, and controlled. Just like the women in the millions of revenge porn postings out there right now. Except for one thing: on line and real life communities will be behind those seeking to create safety, with caring and with love.

 

At the very moment that 50 Shades of Grey is raking in record box office, I’m taking some comfort in this story. The tables are about to turn as women take their power to social media and to community, to stop abusers. Here in Halifax we saw this recently by the students reporting abuses by a professor at MSVU. We’ve seen it in the form of the entire feminist shelter movement, as abused women turned our power loose to protect other women. That flipped switch of power is about to multiply exponentially, as more and more women speak out online, and connect to community for safety and support.

 

The hatred from men’s rights activists, Gamergate creeps and other misogynists is terrifying, but ultimately hard for them to sustain in a long term way. The simple goodness of expecting safety and dignity in life has no exhaustion, because it is natural. It’s what’s truly in our DNA. It’s the real “harmony” our biology is set to. Sharing our stories with supportive community is like the erosion of mountains (of patriarchy) by wind and water – amazingly powerful, unstoppable. And about to get a whole lot faster.

 

Photo: Rachel Brooks