Sexual and partner abuse and assault are community problems. And communities hold the power of solutions. We may have been trained to think however that such abuses are only private issues, that we should restrict our voice, and that this issue has no place in community considerations.
But there will be no end to the pain of such abuses until we free ourselves and our communities from the stigma attached to talking and caring about these issues.
A great way to do that is to invite experts into the community, to speak on the topic. The second time we did this at the Halifax Shambhala Centre, we asked panellists to speak specifically to the community aspect of preventing and addressing sexual abuses and violence.
Myrene Keating-Owens, director of a rural women’s centre, spoke of the divisiveness and harms caused by the presence of a serially abusive doctor, as friends and family sought to make sense out of the person they knew and the crimes. She talked about the lost generation of men who were victimized as youth and what that meant for the community’s health and viability.
Dr. Angela Connors, a forensic psychologist spoke movingly about how difficult it can be for community members to hold in their minds that someone can act loving, supportive and decent in one context, and yet also be responsible for some horrific moments in the lives of their victims. Instead of allowing ourselves to short-circuit and just check out, as members of community, we must be able to hold both realities, and act for the safety and health of community.
FInally, Nancy Gray, a long time trauma counsellor who has worked with many violent men wishing to learn how to be safe partners, fathers and friends, shed tears at all the suffering, and spoke about how it could be prevented by more caring and support for the women and youth who have lived through male violence.
Please enjoy this audio recording of our panel, held in May 2014. The panel was introduced by Pat Ullman, offering meditation instruction to increase our strength, and moderated by Dr. Joanne Bihari.
– Pamela Rubin
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Photo courtesy Nonviolent Peaceforce