“Start by believing” is a new slogan among people and organizations working to stop male violence. It refers of course to believing those who come forward to tell or seek help after sexualized and/or partner violence, breaking through the many social barriers that prevent us from doing so most of the time. It refers to upending centuries of myths that see the women, children and youth who report sexual abuse as “liars”, “attention-seekers” “crazy” etc.
Instead, we start by believing because we know that sexual abuse is epidemic. We know that for perpetrators to get away with it for all this time, the whole culture had to twist itself into a knot. We are undoing that knot. We are replacing it with trust. We are replacing it with care. We are replacing it with straightforward bravery, to see things as they really are.
Even if the perpetrator is our friend, our brother, our teacher, our coach, our pastor or just an all around “great guy.”
In the video below, I’m speaking about why this is a critical starting point for communities that want to be free of sexualized abuse.
There’s another kind of believing that’s important too. Believing that we are worthy to live free of violence and abuse. Believing that we are full and valuable human beings. Believing that we deserve safety and respect.
What happens if we take a moment and say these things out loud to ourselves? That we deserve safety and peace. That our human birthright is kindness and respect. What do we notice? If we have been abused, if we have been socialized to believe we are inferior, subordinate and bad due to our sex, race, ability, or class etc., when we say these sort of words to ourselves, we might feel our broken hearts. We might panic. We might smile. We might feel the sadness of the whole world of pain that people inflict on each other for no good reason. We might feel.
What happens when a whole community starts to say these words to itself?: “Our children deserve to grow up in safety.” “Women in this community are heard and believed.” “We can create a bright space where abusers can’t hang out”. “When someone who has experienced abuse needs help, we act.”
These kinds of thought patterns increase trust in a community. A community where people feel they can turn to each other for help is a strong community where predators can’t hide. If these kinds of phrases become a basis for reflection, become our meditation as a community, they will seep into our consciousness. We will be more likely to open our eyes and be brave when a survivor wants to talk to us. We will notice our actions flowing out of the new beliefs. Our social reality will change. Is that what we call magic?
– Pamela Rubin
Video:
http://www.lionsroar.com/confronting-abuse-start-believing/
Photo: WackyStuff